Who Will Tuck Me in When You're Gone?
Updated: Jul 21, 2019
I am about to be an empty nester. Sure, I have two posts a about summer travels open on my desktop, but after a text with Jay, I felt a sense of urgency to write.
It's simple. I texted him saying: "The biology between a mom and her baby is real. It's just a connection I can't explain."
Sorry dads...you won't ever get it. And that's okay. It's okay because we need you! We need you to be strong for us when we are being too emotional. We need you there in the hospital after we give birth to pay attention to the doctors, to visit the baby, to talk to the friends that visit, to protect us, to let us do our hormonal thing. We need you to know that being a mom is hard physically and emotionally, from the very start. But.....with that comes that connection that only a mom can have. That almost PHYSICAL pain that happens during...
*First shots. *ER visits *Preschool, kindergarten, middle school, high school and ALL of the firsts. *Seeing a failure. * college drop off .
My first experience with the college drop off was 3 years ago with Cameron. It was 30 minutes into our drive home and I was FINE. Then, he responded to a Facebook post I had just posted about how FINE I was and... I LOST IT...
We are talking animalistic, guttural, cry. And Jay just giggled and patted my leg and said it was okay and to just let it out. Which was the best gift he could have given me because that is exactly what I did for quite a while on that ride. Bless him.
I have no idea what Sunday will bring for me. Hailey is so excited to get to school. She is SET. She tried SO many things from soccer to music, percussion, school plays, dance and now rowing. She will be busy and making new friends from the start. Between rowing and sorority rush and school and her new gig with Rodan+Fields, I have no worries. And yet....
She won't be HERE. She won't be just across the hall. She won't be tucking me in at night or asking me if we can go get coffee.
She WILL be spreading her wings as she should. This is what is next for us and it will be okay. I won't like it for a while, but it will be okay. I realize now the importance of those intentional things Jay and I did like....
*letting her be her unique self *wearing what she wanted for school *being open minded with her ideas *starting awkward conversations *time spent exploring KC *coffee dates
Because now I have a daughter-friend for life! My tears will be tears of joy and love. And so the next journey in life begins for both of us.